And so I fall
With this last breath
Frail and weak,
On wings of death
We're dying, slowly
In the night
Could I ever win this fight?
My strength is leaving, my sense is gone
Knocked over by opponents, a poorly placed pawn
If I told you I was yours, would you take me home?
Anything to feel like I'm not alone.
Just wrote that after I titled this. Random.
Really annoyed right now. I just got home from the homecoming game, though I left at half time and I got home at 11, after getting there at 7... The power went out, so we went to the college for the game. Apparently it was cold. I wasn't, or atleast I didn't feel like it- I can tell now that I was, after thawing out in front of my heater. I had to walk/run a lot because there was a lot of traffic and Amelia's mom, the one that was supposed to drive us, couldn't get over to the highschool, or all the way over to the stadium. So we walked and ran a lot, because my friends are hyper.
I seriously almost passed out. My legs were wobbling when I was standing in the line to get a drink, and I was kind of afraid I'd fall over. Not because I'm fat and can't walk a lot, but because I didn't have the energy. I've been pretty much starving myself for two weeks to fit in this damn dress for this stupid dance I might not even go to because my parents are jerks. My mom called me a brat because I wanted to go home in 40 degree weather at 11 o'clock and I interrupted her TV show.
F.M.L.
And my friend was annoying the heck out of me. She was screaming in my ear while I was on the phone with my mom, which just made her even more pissed off at me. I was really worried about my other friend because she has asthma and was pretty much gasping for breath, and she kept caughing and it was scaring the heck out of me... Then she was all shiver-y and she wouldn't take my hoodie. I hope she's okay, I think she stayed after I left.
So now I'm sitting here, tired and upset and about to fall over. And I can't eat anything. And I REALLY want to eat something. I eat when I'm upset :/ I'm gonna try to sleep so that I don't have to think anymore. Goodnight, Blog.
Hope your feeling better than I am right now.
So. A lot of stuff's been going on lately, almost none of which I can tell you.
For one thing I kind of tumbled down a hill [barely, it was like 5 feet] but it still hurt like hell because I landed on a bunch of rocks and now have scratches and bruises all over my body, and the worst headache EVER.
Homecoming dress doesn't fit, I get to starve myself until Saturday.
Woo.
I've become addicted to Twitter, but I get annoyed with it because I wake up to like, 1,000 tweets- not joking. This morning it was around 900.
The only things I'm looking forward to right now?
My birthday, Christmas, whenever I don't have school, and the BVB concert in VA. Oh, and Halloween, cause I get to dye my hair blue, do full out BVB war paint, and dress up like an Andy/Jinxx/Ashley stalker. <33 And I'm making BVB scarecrows/pumpkins. SO looking forward to the scarecrows, that'll be awesome- all leather, war paint, and creepy smiles. Wish I could buy BVB necklaces for all of them, but I don't have the money for that, Lol. I dunno where I'm getting all that leather, but I'll find a way... xD They may end up wearing random black clothes I have.
Btw, finally decided on official hair plan.
Base color: Blue, but not bright blue. Kind of like a sea blue. Then it'll have black under the bangs and in the front, like how Audrey Kitchins used to be. Then I'll have some jade green streaks in the front, and keep it curly, but not too curly. Fix my bangs, and we're good.
I've been spazzing for about half an hour because I can't find this girls shirt, and I really need to give it back to her x_x It's in my room somewhere, but I don't know where. Watch it be somewhere obvious, like on a chair or my bed. Maybe in my bathroom. I dunno. I just know it's not in my purse, where it should be x_x She's gonna get pissed at me... D: Agh.
Found my giant stash of exacto blades, I thought I lost those o_o I have like twenty of them scattered on my bed under my stuff, so I'm gonna wake up some day with exacto blades in me. But that's okay, I guess.
Found a book I read a bajillion years ago, Shiver. I don't even remember what it's about, just that I liked it xD Gonna read it again. You know what book I really miss? Blood and Chocolate. It was AWESOME.
I REMEBER WHAT IT'S ABOUT NOW. AND I WANNA READ IT BADLY.
But I must find her shirt :c Fml.
I've been writing a lot of poetry lately. Apparently adderall makes me better at writing o_o In my opinion. My mom likes my old poetry, but my creative writing class pretty much hated that. I wonder how I'll do now? I had to write a short story about a teacher/mentor-student relationship. It was so freaking random. I could think of nothing, so it's about a girl named Nikki who's an artist. Nikki is pretty much patterned after me, or who I wish I was. Except the hair has changed, so she's a LITTLE off.
I've been listening to a lot of stuff lately... Mostly:
-Black Veil Brides
-Get Scared
-Bless The Fall
-William Control
Woo. I love them all <3 Saw William Control when I went to see BVB. :]
I don't want to sleep tonight. I know I will, but I don't want to. Lately I've been having a lot of "I wish I had someone like that." moments. Someone to hold MY hand through something scary, someone to cuddle with ME when I'm cold... Someone that would make me forget and believe that, just for a little while, I was okay.
I guess that someone doesn't exist, though, do they? Or at least they're very far away.
And so I will continue to mentally date half the members of BVB.
La la la. :P
Getting annoyed with pretty people, just because I'm not. Jealousy? Not really. I don't even know.
This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2DaOdSJbYA
Epic song.
That was one of Vince and I's songs.
Others: Heartbreak Warfare, Whaddaya Want From Me, and another song I can't remember. I'm such a wonderful ex, right?
You have no idea how much Whaddaya Want From Me by Adam Lambert related to Vince. I could disect the whole song and every single line would fit perfectly. That was our "Official" song, I guess. There was a lot of shit that went on with us, though. It's kind of sad that he's back with Dameon, though. He's such a whore. I was kind of glad to see Vince go for the last time, but at the same time it tore me in half. It meant I didn't have anything to look forward to when I came home, or anyone to share all of my secrets with. He knew things none of my friends now know, or ever will know. I wish we were at least still friends. He said we would be, but we kind of fell out of contact.
I've started to talk to Tara again, I missed her like hell. She made me realize a lot of things, which I won't share with you just yet. Two people know already, but that's it.
Trying to think of other things to put in here...
Oh. Corset shopping is extremely hard.
That's all I'll say about that... After three hours of Google and eBay. I'm ready to rip my hair out.
I'm getting kind of annoyed with the world. The only guys who seem like the kind of guy I want are on the internet, not in North Carolina.
Feeling kind of pathetic right now, I don't know why. Listening to Bless The Fall on repeat and stalking Twitter...
URGH. I can't find the cord for my camera... It's the thing that gets my picture onto my laptop. D: So I STILL have no profile picture for my Twitter, or a good one for my FB. Blahhh. I have no idea what I did with that thing... I haven't seen it in probably over a month. No doubt it's on my bed somewhere.
My bed is divided in half by a really long cylindrical pillow, one half being where I sleep and the other half being my crap pile. I put everything I use a lot or need to remember over there, so that it's within reach, because I'm too lazy to get up in the middle of the night to go get stuff. It's not even my bed, it's my futon, or however you spell that.
I just realized I lost a follower on Twitter. Sad. :c I went from 45 to 44. Daww.
I'm gonna go on an epic hunt for shit I'm missing. I'll probably end up blogging again since I have absolutely nothing to do at 1:30 in the morning. Woo. Bye.
For one thing I kind of tumbled down a hill [barely, it was like 5 feet] but it still hurt like hell because I landed on a bunch of rocks and now have scratches and bruises all over my body, and the worst headache EVER.
Homecoming dress doesn't fit, I get to starve myself until Saturday.
Woo.
I've become addicted to Twitter, but I get annoyed with it because I wake up to like, 1,000 tweets- not joking. This morning it was around 900.
The only things I'm looking forward to right now?
My birthday, Christmas, whenever I don't have school, and the BVB concert in VA. Oh, and Halloween, cause I get to dye my hair blue, do full out BVB war paint, and dress up like an Andy/Jinxx/Ashley stalker. <33 And I'm making BVB scarecrows/pumpkins. SO looking forward to the scarecrows, that'll be awesome- all leather, war paint, and creepy smiles. Wish I could buy BVB necklaces for all of them, but I don't have the money for that, Lol. I dunno where I'm getting all that leather, but I'll find a way... xD They may end up wearing random black clothes I have.
Btw, finally decided on official hair plan.
Base color: Blue, but not bright blue. Kind of like a sea blue. Then it'll have black under the bangs and in the front, like how Audrey Kitchins used to be. Then I'll have some jade green streaks in the front, and keep it curly, but not too curly. Fix my bangs, and we're good.
I've been spazzing for about half an hour because I can't find this girls shirt, and I really need to give it back to her x_x It's in my room somewhere, but I don't know where. Watch it be somewhere obvious, like on a chair or my bed. Maybe in my bathroom. I dunno. I just know it's not in my purse, where it should be x_x She's gonna get pissed at me... D: Agh.
Found my giant stash of exacto blades, I thought I lost those o_o I have like twenty of them scattered on my bed under my stuff, so I'm gonna wake up some day with exacto blades in me. But that's okay, I guess.
Found a book I read a bajillion years ago, Shiver. I don't even remember what it's about, just that I liked it xD Gonna read it again. You know what book I really miss? Blood and Chocolate. It was AWESOME.
I REMEBER WHAT IT'S ABOUT NOW. AND I WANNA READ IT BADLY.
But I must find her shirt :c Fml.
I've been writing a lot of poetry lately. Apparently adderall makes me better at writing o_o In my opinion. My mom likes my old poetry, but my creative writing class pretty much hated that. I wonder how I'll do now? I had to write a short story about a teacher/mentor-student relationship. It was so freaking random. I could think of nothing, so it's about a girl named Nikki who's an artist. Nikki is pretty much patterned after me, or who I wish I was. Except the hair has changed, so she's a LITTLE off.
I've been listening to a lot of stuff lately... Mostly:
-Black Veil Brides
-Get Scared
-Bless The Fall
-William Control
Woo. I love them all <3 Saw William Control when I went to see BVB. :]
I don't want to sleep tonight. I know I will, but I don't want to. Lately I've been having a lot of "I wish I had someone like that." moments. Someone to hold MY hand through something scary, someone to cuddle with ME when I'm cold... Someone that would make me forget and believe that, just for a little while, I was okay.
I guess that someone doesn't exist, though, do they? Or at least they're very far away.
And so I will continue to mentally date half the members of BVB.
La la la. :P
Getting annoyed with pretty people, just because I'm not. Jealousy? Not really. I don't even know.
This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2DaOdSJbYA
Epic song.
That was one of Vince and I's songs.
Others: Heartbreak Warfare, Whaddaya Want From Me, and another song I can't remember. I'm such a wonderful ex, right?
You have no idea how much Whaddaya Want From Me by Adam Lambert related to Vince. I could disect the whole song and every single line would fit perfectly. That was our "Official" song, I guess. There was a lot of shit that went on with us, though. It's kind of sad that he's back with Dameon, though. He's such a whore. I was kind of glad to see Vince go for the last time, but at the same time it tore me in half. It meant I didn't have anything to look forward to when I came home, or anyone to share all of my secrets with. He knew things none of my friends now know, or ever will know. I wish we were at least still friends. He said we would be, but we kind of fell out of contact.
I've started to talk to Tara again, I missed her like hell. She made me realize a lot of things, which I won't share with you just yet. Two people know already, but that's it.
Trying to think of other things to put in here...
Oh. Corset shopping is extremely hard.
That's all I'll say about that... After three hours of Google and eBay. I'm ready to rip my hair out.
I'm getting kind of annoyed with the world. The only guys who seem like the kind of guy I want are on the internet, not in North Carolina.
Feeling kind of pathetic right now, I don't know why. Listening to Bless The Fall on repeat and stalking Twitter...
URGH. I can't find the cord for my camera... It's the thing that gets my picture onto my laptop. D: So I STILL have no profile picture for my Twitter, or a good one for my FB. Blahhh. I have no idea what I did with that thing... I haven't seen it in probably over a month. No doubt it's on my bed somewhere.
My bed is divided in half by a really long cylindrical pillow, one half being where I sleep and the other half being my crap pile. I put everything I use a lot or need to remember over there, so that it's within reach, because I'm too lazy to get up in the middle of the night to go get stuff. It's not even my bed, it's my futon, or however you spell that.
I just realized I lost a follower on Twitter. Sad. :c I went from 45 to 44. Daww.
I'm gonna go on an epic hunt for shit I'm missing. I'll probably end up blogging again since I have absolutely nothing to do at 1:30 in the morning. Woo. Bye.
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So. My amazing weekend has not been amazing so far.
I went to a football game, since I go to all of them, and was so excited- there was a dance after it, too. But none of my friends care about/have time for me, I guess. Nobody even said hi to me- I got a hug from Andrea, but I had to ask for that. It just kind of feels like they don't want me there, they'd rather just be by themselves. So I left early, because it got me in a bad mood. Like really bad.
And then Kim made me feel stupid for getting upset over it. She was the only one that actually talked to me. Havierre asked if I was okay when we told them all we were leaving, but that was about it.
One of the people I absolutely can't stand that used to be in our "Group" was there, too. I guess everyone else still considers him a part- but I don't. Joseph. I really don't like him, he's pretty mean to me, and he always has been. Logan won't even look at me- If I scream HI at him in the hallway, he turns his head away. Jerk.
I don't know why, but it feels like my friends have been ignoring me all week. Before school, at lunch, after school, in the hallways, whenever we do things... The only people that talk to me daily: Kim, Amelia, and Savannah. Daniell talks to me if it's convient for her. Jessy's nice, but we're not good friends. Other people just hug me and then don't say a word to me for the rest of the day. India has declared me her "Baby Boo", Lol.
So yeah. Just feels like they don't want me anymore. I'll probably get yelled at or talked to about this post, but I'm okay with that.
Going to see BVB tomorrow, one of the highlights of my life. Excited <3
That's all, I guess.
Tata.
I went to a football game, since I go to all of them, and was so excited- there was a dance after it, too. But none of my friends care about/have time for me, I guess. Nobody even said hi to me- I got a hug from Andrea, but I had to ask for that. It just kind of feels like they don't want me there, they'd rather just be by themselves. So I left early, because it got me in a bad mood. Like really bad.
And then Kim made me feel stupid for getting upset over it. She was the only one that actually talked to me. Havierre asked if I was okay when we told them all we were leaving, but that was about it.
One of the people I absolutely can't stand that used to be in our "Group" was there, too. I guess everyone else still considers him a part- but I don't. Joseph. I really don't like him, he's pretty mean to me, and he always has been. Logan won't even look at me- If I scream HI at him in the hallway, he turns his head away. Jerk.
I don't know why, but it feels like my friends have been ignoring me all week. Before school, at lunch, after school, in the hallways, whenever we do things... The only people that talk to me daily: Kim, Amelia, and Savannah. Daniell talks to me if it's convient for her. Jessy's nice, but we're not good friends. Other people just hug me and then don't say a word to me for the rest of the day. India has declared me her "Baby Boo", Lol.
So yeah. Just feels like they don't want me anymore. I'll probably get yelled at or talked to about this post, but I'm okay with that.
Going to see BVB tomorrow, one of the highlights of my life. Excited <3
That's all, I guess.
Tata.
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Back to sad things. Yeah, sorry.
Family's fighting a lot- Becaused of this, I'm ordering my homecoming dress TOMORROW- 11 days until it has to be here. It usually takes up to 8 weeks for them to ship. FML. I hate my brother.
His girlfriend, who's actually nice, broke up with him, my parents are supposedly "kicking him out", like a million times before- but they won't. They never do.
One of my friends is ignoring me [Not you, Havierre.]
I have homework to do, and I have to get up at 4:30 to measure for this damn dress. My dad's just think on the shoes. What, do I go barefoot?
It's not my fault they've waited three weeks! I've been asking for a month. "We'll talk about it tonight." -Three hours later- "It's too late, tomorrow." And repeat.
"Actually, that dress is too expensive, now that you've waited two weeks. Find another!"
One week later.
"We'll order it tonight, I promise." "It's too late- in the morning."
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Ughhh.
Nobody has time for me because of my brother- He's doing drugs, getting drunk, stealing the car, not coming home, ditching his girlfriend, wasting our money, etc.
Gonna go sleep or something now. :c
Family's fighting a lot- Becaused of this, I'm ordering my homecoming dress TOMORROW- 11 days until it has to be here. It usually takes up to 8 weeks for them to ship. FML. I hate my brother.
His girlfriend, who's actually nice, broke up with him, my parents are supposedly "kicking him out", like a million times before- but they won't. They never do.
One of my friends is ignoring me [Not you, Havierre.]
I have homework to do, and I have to get up at 4:30 to measure for this damn dress. My dad's just think on the shoes. What, do I go barefoot?
It's not my fault they've waited three weeks! I've been asking for a month. "We'll talk about it tonight." -Three hours later- "It's too late, tomorrow." And repeat.
"Actually, that dress is too expensive, now that you've waited two weeks. Find another!"
One week later.
"We'll order it tonight, I promise." "It's too late- in the morning."
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Ughhh.
Nobody has time for me because of my brother- He's doing drugs, getting drunk, stealing the car, not coming home, ditching his girlfriend, wasting our money, etc.
Gonna go sleep or something now. :c
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Kay. So, I'm in health class nowww. Hate it. :c Least favorite class ever. There's a cute guy sitting next to me, though, and he keeps accidentally touching my leg o_o Awkwarddd.
But yeah.
So, I know some of my friends have been worried about me lately- don't. I'm finnne. :c Considering not posting bad things in my blog now, because it worries people.
So, went out to dinner last night with my friends, Kim and Emma. I WENT TO THE MOST AMAZING PLACE EVER. It's called the New China Buffet. Oooohmygosh <33 xD It's so wonderful. Out of the four flavors they have, they have my favorite icecream flavor EVER. Cotton Candy <3 Not a very common flavor, either. They have tasty little cakey rolls, duck [sounds icky, but it's amazing], Egg rolls, Jello, EVERYTHING. I love it so much! And it's only $9 :o Ahhh. I'm going there for my birthday, Lol. I could eat my weight in their food. <3 But I won't, cause fatness is baddd.
OHHH. I'm sad. :c I had to write a poem for Creative Writing class, titled Dreams and about dreams. So I did. I showed Devin, he liked it. My mom liked it. Savannah liked it. I got the lowest score DDD: AGGHHH. Makes me sad. I worked really hard on it, too! I was rated a 38/100. FML.
And I really have a craving for peeps... I dunno. I do.
My hair is annoying me, I want it blonder now. o_o Dunno if I should do it or not.
AHH. HOMECOMING'S IN 18 DAYS. AHHH. I have to order my dress/shoes today. x__x This is what I'm wearing:
http://www.cbslimited.com/mori-lee-prom-dress-9099.htm In blue, scroll down
http://www.cbslimited.com/silver-shoes-189%20Princess.htm
I'm excited :] Apparently one of my friends nominated me for the homecoming court. Man, I hope I get on it! o_o I would loooove that. I nominated Devin and Andrea, my favorite people ever <33 And Kim and Amelia, but I didn't think to nominate them- I thought it had to be a couple. D: My advisory teacher didn't know, so I didn't know.
Apparently they spelled our school name wrong on our student IDs. FAILL! Lol. They didn't give me one- they said they didn't have one for me, even though I took the picture for it. o_o And, I haven't gotten my school pictures, yet. I did retakes, but that was like 2-3 weeks ago.
Trying to think if there's anything else.
OH. A kid from my school died yesterday :c He had a seizure. His name was Caleb, I didn't know him- he was a senior. But I know some kids that did know him. It was pretty sad. :[ Poor guy.
And I'm going to the Black Veil Brides concert in four days! AHHHMG! So excited <333!! I'm going with Emma, and we're leaving at 11 and getting there at 2 or 3, MAYBE getting there a little early, then going to the concert, and then staying the night at a hotel <33 Ohh I'm so excited. I can't wait for Saturday! I kind of feel bad because my grandmother already had plans to take me to a Sara Barielles concert. I was excited about that like a month ago, but I forgot and made plans, and we've booked the hotel and everything.... I feel so bad. :c But, BVB must not be missed. Can't. No. Gotta go to lunch now, Ily! Random, but I do? xD
But yeah.
So, I know some of my friends have been worried about me lately- don't. I'm finnne. :c Considering not posting bad things in my blog now, because it worries people.
So, went out to dinner last night with my friends, Kim and Emma. I WENT TO THE MOST AMAZING PLACE EVER. It's called the New China Buffet. Oooohmygosh <33 xD It's so wonderful. Out of the four flavors they have, they have my favorite icecream flavor EVER. Cotton Candy <3 Not a very common flavor, either. They have tasty little cakey rolls, duck [sounds icky, but it's amazing], Egg rolls, Jello, EVERYTHING. I love it so much! And it's only $9 :o Ahhh. I'm going there for my birthday, Lol. I could eat my weight in their food. <3 But I won't, cause fatness is baddd.
OHHH. I'm sad. :c I had to write a poem for Creative Writing class, titled Dreams and about dreams. So I did. I showed Devin, he liked it. My mom liked it. Savannah liked it. I got the lowest score DDD: AGGHHH. Makes me sad. I worked really hard on it, too! I was rated a 38/100. FML.
And I really have a craving for peeps... I dunno. I do.
My hair is annoying me, I want it blonder now. o_o Dunno if I should do it or not.
AHH. HOMECOMING'S IN 18 DAYS. AHHH. I have to order my dress/shoes today. x__x This is what I'm wearing:
http://www.cbslimited.com/mori-lee-prom-dress-9099.htm In blue, scroll down
http://www.cbslimited.com/silver-shoes-189%20Princess.htm
I'm excited :] Apparently one of my friends nominated me for the homecoming court. Man, I hope I get on it! o_o I would loooove that. I nominated Devin and Andrea, my favorite people ever <33 And Kim and Amelia, but I didn't think to nominate them- I thought it had to be a couple. D: My advisory teacher didn't know, so I didn't know.
Apparently they spelled our school name wrong on our student IDs. FAILL! Lol. They didn't give me one- they said they didn't have one for me, even though I took the picture for it. o_o And, I haven't gotten my school pictures, yet. I did retakes, but that was like 2-3 weeks ago.
Trying to think if there's anything else.
OH. A kid from my school died yesterday :c He had a seizure. His name was Caleb, I didn't know him- he was a senior. But I know some kids that did know him. It was pretty sad. :[ Poor guy.
And I'm going to the Black Veil Brides concert in four days! AHHHMG! So excited <333!! I'm going with Emma, and we're leaving at 11 and getting there at 2 or 3, MAYBE getting there a little early, then going to the concert, and then staying the night at a hotel <33 Ohh I'm so excited. I can't wait for Saturday! I kind of feel bad because my grandmother already had plans to take me to a Sara Barielles concert. I was excited about that like a month ago, but I forgot and made plans, and we've booked the hotel and everything.... I feel so bad. :c But, BVB must not be missed. Can't. No. Gotta go to lunch now, Ily! Random, but I do? xD
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