Randomm.

So, I miiiight be back into blogging... Just maybe.
For whatever reason, I can't blog when I'm happy, or when I have people to listen to me. I mean [i]really[/i] listen to me- Not just nod and say okay and go "That sucks." I hate it when people do that. And yet most of the people I know do... Oh well.
It's kind of the same with cutting. If I really, truely feel alone, then it doesn't matter. But if I feel like people really care and are affected by it? I can't do it. I don't know why. I'm not being all, "OMG NOBODY LOVES MEEEE!" It's just that there are some things you feel like you can't tell anyone, you know? Or even if I do tell someone, it just doesn't help- And it eats away at me. 'Cause what I hide is usually pretty big.
And I'm terrified of a lot of things, which keeps me from telling people when I'm going through something. And I just hate being a burden to people... I feel like I'm bothering them. I know I'm not, but I just feel like it.
My biggest fear is of rejection.
Then I'm afraid of pain.
I'm afraid of being hated.
I'm afraid of losing people. And a lot more.
And it's really hard for me to trust people- Only certain types of people. Random people from school? Yeah, sure. Anyone that's trying to "help" me? It'll take you years to earn my trust.
So this is just a random emotional blog post o.O
I'm considering telling a really good friend of mine one of my biggest secrets. It ranks about 3rd or 4th, I think. The first one I could never tell anyone that doesn't already know. Well, that's the second, actually- The first one only I know. Third is a lot about my life at home, also something I can't tell anyone.
But yeahh. I think only three people know the one I might tell them.
It's strange, and they'd never guess it, but they're the easiest person for me to talk to. They know more about my emotional state than anyone else, and have for a while. I tell them things before I tell anyone else, usually. Not lately, though. Which really bothers me, because I miss them. :[ A lot.
I'm gonna stop this here.
Tata. <3